Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
