he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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