Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
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Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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