My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
