Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
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