remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
