EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
she smelled like a LAN party
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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