sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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