Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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