Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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