Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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