Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
