I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
