hell yes lets make some ravioli
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Randomize
