Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
