I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
