The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
