She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sext me about skeletons
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
