ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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