She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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