his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
