just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
