I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Randomize
