The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
