He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
