party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
