I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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