Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
