I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
