It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
