Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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