I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
