Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
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Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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