I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
