Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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