I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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