think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
