Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
