I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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