I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
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Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
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