I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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