I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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