i don't like sucking hair
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
