My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
this hospital has no fireball
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
