yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
