if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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