I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
