I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
