Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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