you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Less talking, more tequila
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
