He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
