in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
