; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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