I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
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