If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
