he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
