i think my tv is drunk
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
