Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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