Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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