i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
