Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
