Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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