Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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