Swine flu is the new snow day.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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