Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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