And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
