he shaved USA in his pubs
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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