The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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