Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
