So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize