Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
