He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
