you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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